Love Thy Neighbor

That kind of love can be tough to grow. I realized that again when my neighbor "Tom", who I've written about before, came over yesterday to complain about my inattention to a stretch of sidewalk that becomes troublesome after winter storms.

Tom first "encouraged" me years ago to shovel my sidewalk because I used to not do it at all. I thought shoveling was pointless and dumb because Colorado snow melts pretty fast. Tom disagreed. But not wanting to start a neighbor war, I bought a snow shovel and waited.

I soon discovered that I actually liked shoveling the walk. It was good exercise and I vainly believed that I was in infinitely better physical shape than my neighbors because they all used snow throwers and therefore couldn't hang. Probably only "Josh," the seasoned landscape worker who lived across the street from me, could give me a run for my money, I would sometimes think as I carved out my paths.

A lot of people think I'm nice, perhaps too nice. For most of my life, I've perceived this as an unattractive label and that I was hopelessly cursed. Kind of like the way a woman might tell a guy that he's really sweet and maybe even adorable, but that she doesn't want to screw things up by becoming more than just friends. Right.

But I've discovered that I usually get what I want by being my nice self. Not always, but I can avoid becoming a jerk yet be tough, stand up for myself, and not let people take advantage of me. I'm beginning to see my brand of conflict management more as an asset than a liability.

However, when Tom came over yesterday and vented his frustrations about my handling of the sidewalk as he stood on MY porch, I struggled to choke down my defensiveness and anger. But at the same time, I could sense Tom's unhappiness and that it went far beyond any issues he had with me. I felt sorry for him and even wished in my heart the world would lighten its burden on him. I always wish that others would do the same for me. I can use it.

So, Tom and I decided we would work together on keeping the sidewalk cleared. Later in the evening, I went out and spread some sand on the ice that had indeed become treacherous. Maybe that sand will become a sort of temporary bridge between Tom and me. A bridge that will give us time to build something new together.