Love Thy Neighbor

That kind of love can be tough to grow. I realized that again when my neighbor "Tom", who I've written about before, came over yesterday to complain about my inattention to a stretch of sidewalk that becomes troublesome after winter storms.

Tom first "encouraged" me years ago to shovel my sidewalk because I used to not do it at all. I thought shoveling was pointless and dumb because Colorado snow melts pretty fast. Tom disagreed. But not wanting to start a neighbor war, I bought a snow shovel and waited.

I soon discovered that I actually liked shoveling the walk. It was good exercise and I vainly believed that I was in infinitely better physical shape than my neighbors because they all used snow throwers and therefore couldn't hang. Probably only "Josh," the seasoned landscape worker who lived across the street from me, could give me a run for my money, I would sometimes think as I carved out my paths.

A lot of people think I'm nice, perhaps too nice. For most of my life, I've perceived this as an unattractive label and that I was hopelessly cursed. Kind of like the way a woman might tell a guy that he's really sweet and maybe even adorable, but that she doesn't want to screw things up by becoming more than just friends. Right.

But I've discovered that I usually get what I want by being my nice self. Not always, but I can avoid becoming a jerk yet be tough, stand up for myself, and not let people take advantage of me. I'm beginning to see my brand of conflict management more as an asset than a liability.

However, when Tom came over yesterday and vented his frustrations about my handling of the sidewalk as he stood on MY porch, I struggled to choke down my defensiveness and anger. But at the same time, I could sense Tom's unhappiness and that it went far beyond any issues he had with me. I felt sorry for him and even wished in my heart the world would lighten its burden on him. I always wish that others would do the same for me. I can use it.

So, Tom and I decided we would work together on keeping the sidewalk cleared. Later in the evening, I went out and spread some sand on the ice that had indeed become treacherous. Maybe that sand will become a sort of temporary bridge between Tom and me. A bridge that will give us time to build something new together.

The Facebook Experiment

Every time I decide to engage in a new online technology, it tests my boundaries between the personal and professional.

Facebook is my latest adoption. I signed up for an account about two years ago, but abandoned it soon after. I didn't put any effort into finding any "friends", which made it hard to see the point in continuing. It's a social platform, after all.

I deactivated my account, but of course it never completely disappeared. My real friend Amy found me on Facebook a few months ago, so I decided to give it another try. It took a few weeks, but I even filled out my profile and added a picture of myself. I've become quite progressive in this whole online world. Maybe someday I'll even get an iPhone.

Anyway, it wasn't long before some of my other real-life friends found and friended me. Still, I thought Facebook was weird. It seemed little more than reading other people's email. Not so much from a voyeuristic point of view, but that it was extraneous information. I could barely keep up with all of my RSS feeds, work and personal email, and print information, so looking for yet another spigot to open felt like I was one step closer to going under water for good.

I finally began to see the appeal of Facebook. I liked how the platform allowed me to simply touch base with the people I cared about. It helped to facilitate my real world relationships.

Then the test came. I started getting friend requests from former classmates, colleagues, co-workers, and people who I hadn't spoken to in years. Even though I was selective about those requests, I suddenly had people from all parts of my life in the same room. Individually, I had varying levels of intimacy with my "friends", but I soon realized that I needed to find an identity that would work with everyone as a group.

And that's what I've enjoyed about Facebook. It's challenged me to look at my relationships in a new way. I've made some meaningful connections with people who, in another time, I thought I would never hear from again. I get bits of information about my real-life friends, which allows me to slide right back into conversations with when I see them. And I'm learning about some really cool projects my colleagues and professional contacts are working on.

And I get it all from a single interface. Life should be simple like that, shouldn't it?

Happy Holidays

From my chair to yours